tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize