the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
