ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
