I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
