I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
