Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
