I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
