Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
