not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You're like the curious george of whores
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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