you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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