I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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