There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
