I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
