you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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