New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I need water and some morals
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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