It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
