part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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