Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
