just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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