So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I supernannyed him into submission
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
