i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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