from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
