this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
