I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
