he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
