Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
