My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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