Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Someone shattered a urinal.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
