don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
