New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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