she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I stole a fireplace last night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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