i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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