Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize