so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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