oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
