i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
