Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
50% drunk capacity currently
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
