Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize