I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
