I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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