Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
