My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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