he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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