Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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