I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
