There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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