My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
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