Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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