I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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