Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
