I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
