I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
