Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I skipped work to stalk him.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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