im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
