So drunk its hurt
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
