Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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