I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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