We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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