dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
