just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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