Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
