so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
