Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
