i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
