There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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