I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
