The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
